Can you guess what's on my mind yesterday when I'm reading my Bio?
Haha. My mind kept thinking about my death. I imagine myself lying in my coffin and occasionally see people come and put flowers on my grave. Lols! I even thought of how my tombstone would look like. Maybe me and my fellow graveyard buddies would chit-chat to pass the eternity of death away, till some future archaeologist dig us out and put us on exhibition in a futuristic museum.
You probably ask why I would thought of sumthing like dat. People always avoided the word death in their daily conversation. I would thought of it all the time. To me, all people must be dead after a certain time on earth. Why avoid it? I can't fathom it. Do people really think they can escape their fate by not mentioning it?
I dreamt of my death sometimes during my sleep. I dreamt that I was stuck in elevator in 119th floor and ran out of oxygen. I dreamt that I fell off the elevator sheath and plunged to my death. I dreamt that I was gunned down by assassins. Maybe it's b'coz of that I tend to be more receptive to it. I like the song Welcome To The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance for this reason. How would it be meaningful if you can live for 200 years but with cracking joints and lungs that are beyond repaired?
Sometimes, I thought of committing suicide 'coz I dun understand why should I live on. A baby grows up, received education, get a job and get married, work until retirement and wait to die everyday after retirement. Why bother sometimes? I'm tired of living... I'm not even 20 and I'm already bored with my life! I dun see anything exciting in my life at certain periods of my life.
Haiz... maybe the psychology test is right: I'm Schizotypal. I have odd beliefs and eccentric thinking going on. I should be reading my Chemistry now...
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5 comments:
wow wow wow, jiaming.
u r dangerous. XD
well, life is boring if u dun do something to excite it.
find urself a new hobby everyday.
then u will apparently love ur life.
XD~ tats wat I do everyday, finding a new hobby everyday.
enjoy life pal!
LOL...Mdm Emily says "Life is so beautiful"
Don't do something stupid ;(
life's boring, i agree! lol..i find myself lost sometimes..lost of the motivation to live..like life's nothing but..life! it's boring! like you said, we were born, educated, kindergarten primary sch high sch uni..find a job, working your ass off, get married, 'produce' children, get old, and die off..then everything will be recycled again and again and again..what's the point? lol..but i dont want to die! lol..thats what makes me living..cos i dont want to die! XD
i'm not trying to do anything stupid. dun worry. i just have these thoughts everyday. i would sit there n just wonder what's the best way for me to die. i wont jump from a building that's for sure. i'm scared of heights. mayb i will consider "accidentally" stab myself with a knife. haha
dat's why i m scared of holiday. my mind will be sick of thinking ridiculous thoughts. i m an aquarius, i cnt stop myself from using my brain.
geez, how come i would think i wan to die sumtimes? not because i m heartbroken or anything, just i m rili bored with my life. i dun think there's anything else i shud try.
u c, i used to like to play comp games, now i m reluctant to play comp games even if it's turned on for me. i used to spend lots of time reading bio, but now i dun. i used to spend drawing, now i m lazy to even hold the pencil... dun know what is wrong wit me. i think i've lost my mode for life...
Accidentally stab yourself? So painful...Just think that a Giant meteor is going to crush earth or A Massive black hole sucks Earth or The earth explode or the sun dies out or an atom bomb is falling right above you ;) An instant death and kinda painless =P
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