Havana

This song reminds me of you. The very person that I adore and wish to be with, but somehow fate seems to keep us apart. Wrong timing, poor communication and basically ill-fated correlation didn't create us a favour. I can read other's mind easily, but somehow the person that I find the hardest to read is mine. I don't even know what I want from you.

Perhaps what I wanted to do is just to let you know my feelings, not expecting any relationship of any kind. When you said you just want to be friends, I can't help but feel very sad. It hurts more than a direct no sometimes, at least to me. You attempted very hard to push me away for my own good. But how's a devoted heart supposed to change?

I thought I'd be fine. I'm a strong girl but emotionally I'm not. I find hard to express my feelings all the time. Somehow I think my subconscious mind is weeping, although I try very, very hard to suppress it. Succumbing to the feeling the stress of the overall situation. Sunk in a whirlpool of indescribable emotions. Lamentation mode.

I tried to make myself cry so that I could feel better, but not to much success. I tried to listen to music to stop myself from thinking. I stole some friend's wine to make myself sleep, but there's no wine left. When I dicing some mushroom, cruel intentions slipped through my mind. I ate a few spoonful of Gaviscon to relieve gastric pain. I cried in the shower today. Try to wash away every pain searing on my soul, yet I can't.

To the friend I was talking to yesterday, I'm sorry but I think I lied about my feelings last night. I thought I might be ok, but I don't think I am. The realisation that I have to force him from leaving my life forever from today is just overwhelming. The silly crush doesn't seem as disturbing as this. After dc, I can't stop thinking about him. I know your intentions in telling me your story but I don't think it really works. But thanks anyway! Please don't reveal yourself in this post.

I will dig a grave, put my shattered heart in a glass bottle and bury it inside. The only memory left will be in this song which I incorporated all of our moments in vivid mental images. Goodbye.