The Prologue of The Diary Of Someone Waiting

23/1
It was today that I receive a message from a friend of mine about your handphone number. At first I wanted badly to call you. But somehow I hesitate. I dunno why. Perhaps I’m too much of a introverted person. A withdrawn person I am one. In the end, I decided to put this thought off till one week from departure. I wished I got your e-mail instead. So I could just casually add you in MSN or even in facebook if you happen to have an account. Perhaps then we could chat casually like old times. Sadly, no such facilities was provided as I fail to uncover your e-mail add.

But ever since that day, the initiative to call you keep immersing in my little head from time to time.

27/1
I wanted to call you today. I could just simply wish you a Happy Chinese New Year and nonchalantly chat with you over the phone. Let the conversation flows on its own without prior manipulation or scheming. Unfortunately I was too caught up with virtual killing spree that I forgot all about it. Only remembered to do so after 11 p.m. Could you be asleep by now? I had to put the mouthpiece of the phone away for another day. Guess I’ll have to wait till the next day.

28/1
When I wake up today, the first thing that popped in my mind was the important phone call. No matter I get an unexpected chilly voice or the other way round, I must get it done today.

Throughout the whole afternoon, I was preoccupying myself with the gaming world so I wouldn’t be such an idiotic nerve-wreck when I’m making the actual phone call. It’s just a simple call yet I have to be so tense and uneasy about it. In my mind, I keep thinking what if our friendship wasn’t as much as I thought it would be. What if I get the idea of our friendship all wrong? What if I’m just a casual, ordinary person that you meet everyday? Would I be thinking too highly of myself in your social circle? Seems like I'll never get over my people phobia anytime in the near future...

By dinner time, I know I just had to do it before 9 p.m otherwise I’ll have to wait another day But I just so timid. Whenever I picked the phone and was about to dial in the phone number Rachel gave it to me, I hesitate and my dial-punching fingers becomes numb and eventually stop the whole process. Yes, I am very timid. You don’t have to repeat that to me.

I uncovered the rare self-proclaimed “confidence and bravery” at 10.08 p.m. Yet without realizing what the heck I am doing, I dialled my friend’s phone number instead. She advised me to just simply call and see what happens after the trail of train. So I meekly follow her advice and dial in.

Unfortunately you didn’t picked up, so I hung up feeling weak. I can’t take this kind of denial. I hate rejection of any kind.

I decided to give it one last shot. We're friends after all. What could possibly go wrong about it? My heart leaped with joy and excitement when I heard the click coming from the receiving end. Then it dropped slightly when I realised it’s not your voice. It was your brother who answered the phone. And much to my frustration as I attempt to jolt your memory of this inconspicuous character in your daily life, you can’t recall. You give me your real phone number and finally remembered who I am. God, I’m feeling like an idiot and honestly feel like crying by now. I wished I didn’t call you in the first place as bad as it sounds. Thank god you remembered who was making this mysterious phone call after 3 minutes.

We chat about our post-school life. Learnt that your mode of life in the future would be revolving architecture. Perhaps we could see each other in the future since you’re taking Form 6. I don’t know what is your mood or tone when I tell you about my departure next week. You don’t sound sad or anything. Maybe we’re not as close as I thought we were.

Do you know I wanted to ask you out to take photo with you and play basketball some time? I became so tongue-tied that I was dumb like a dumb cluck before learning you had to hung up. At least I managed to ask you for you e-mail add like I wanted to. But I wished deep down I could do more than that. Oh well better than nothing I suppose... I’ll remember you always :)