The Pros and Cons of Chinese New Year

It’s the time of the year again where all you can think of is angpau, firecrackers and lots to munch on. Yep, sport, you’d got that right. It’s the happy Chinese New Year. And this time, I’m gonna go insight into the heart of this insane event.

Warning: For those unopened-minded people, better stick with your Chinese New Year spring clean, instead of reading below. You’ve been warned…

Pros # 1: Profit-making
You can unleash lots of profit in 2-3 days by just wishing all your relatives “Gong Xi Fatt Chai”. A simple phrase like that can help you to gross a good RM10 in no time. Think of how many relatives’ house you can visit per day. Go figures. See Chinese are so smart, they can earn money even in holidays!

Cons # 1: Overspending
To earn so much money, you have to waste lots of money and time on buying festive goods like cans of beer and cookies, not to mention a new wardrobe makeover. Those who have the hearts of a good Samaritan would spend fortunes throwing parties.

Besides that, you’ve gotta look good right? You’d spent tons of money to get a new haircut, colouring, perms and stuffs like that. That’s about to create a big dent in your wallet if you’re not careful. The other day I was getting myself a new haircut and was charged RM30 for no reason. The hairdresser just look at me and said simply, “It’s Chinese New Year, so everything has got to be doubled…” Ok, guess I didn't know about this invisible rule.

Pros # 2: Visiting relatives is always something to look forward to
Oh yes, how could a Chinese New Year celebration be completed without some relatives dropping by our house? You get to bully your younger cousins again after one year. Hooray! And get grilled about your previous academic performance again. Parents would start comparing their offspring’s exams results and ended up with last year’s drawn conclusion: my son/daughter is still a loser.

Cons # 2: Unwanted guests = Not welcomed
Some of the unwanted guests just don’t even get the idea that they’re not wanted around. Why? ‘Coz they create lots of garbage during their visits when we’re not suppose to sweep during CNY. Not to mention, the overall idea that they’re foul and disgusted keeps popping in your head and sends chills down your spine. Hello? Ever heard of get lost before?

Pros #3: Angpau frenzy
Referring to Pros# 1, angpau is the favourite moments and desirable feature of CNY, especially for those money-minded bachelors and greedy children. Earn lots of money to be spent. Yeah!

Cons #3: Seeing red packets all around
This is the one thing I don’t really like. It seems like Chinese are training their children to be money-minded since young. Kids have the red thing popped up in their little heads every CNY occasion. Don’t believe me?

Take for instance, a married relative drops by and what’s the first thing your dear parents wants you to say? “Gong Xi Fatt Chai!” And you’ll get your red packet all right. We seemed to have forgotten the main idea of CNY: FAMILY REUNION. The first important thing that happens during the first day of CNY is greet your parents and getting angpau from them. It’s so automatic and I beg to differ.

Worse of all, those uneducated people use the angpau money to gamble their CNY away. Why do I have to be so rude to call them unliterated? Of course they are! They should know the probability of winning in a Mahjong or Poker gamble is a fraction, instead of a whole number. Or even worse, some of them don’t even know the have the word misfortune painted all over their faces, yet they insisted on gambling and losing. A poker match can only have one winner, not all are winners. If they’re smart, they would know what to do with the extra money. It starts with a S and ends with an E. (Save)

Pros #4: There’s no such thing as hunger in CNY
Surely your house would be stock with lots of goodies during CNY right? Sweets, cakes, carbonated drinks, beers and basically all the food you won‘t see around when it‘s not CNY. It would be a miracle if you’d starve during these days. If not, there’s always those open house parties thrown by the Datuk-datuks and OKK (orang kaya-kaya). Another Hooray! for the beggers in town. Famine is not an option, it’s a total goner if you ask me.

Cons #4: Gluttony
As a result, we ended up eating too much than we can consume. And often ended up begging for tooth and tummy trouble. One of my friend used to message me to ask me about a dentist recommendation ‘coz his molar literally cracked when he greedily sank his teeth into a huge China peach, instead of slicing in half with a knife and share. Ever wonder why the dentists are overwhelmed by appointments during and after CNY? This is the reason why. Don’t gag now.

"Open wide..."

Pros #5: Reunion dinner
Yes, this is one thumbs-up feature about this holiday. You get to spend some quality time with your family. No matter what business you have, you have to come home for it. It’s a must for Chinese. Steamboat is often proposed for the occasion. It’s just one of those sweet Kodak moments.

Cons #5: Accident prone.
In order to rush back in time for the reunion dinner, we often ended up with pathetic traffic issues. If you’re lucky, you’ll get speeding tickets from traffic police for going 130 km per hour down the highway. If your middle name is Unlucky, you probably ended up crashing your car into other’s and be spending your CNY in hospital or worse, losing your life because of it. Those intoxicated idiots driving after drinking may as well get into this unfavorable situation or come up with murder charges as they take other people life with their SUV.

Pros #6: Cleaning up
It’s high time for you to start cleaning the garbage stored in your house like last year’s expired jam store in the refrigerator. What’s the another perfect occasion to do it if not CNY? Toss those unwanted books, papers, plastics spoons and forks, inconsumable food products, garbage and who the hell knows what’s in your house.

Cons #6: Ridiculous superstitions crap
Who created the stupid no-cleaning regulation in the CNY rulebook? We pass on this silly credulous crap from one generation to another without realizing what we’re doing. Without cleaning, your house would be the biggest dust collector on the planet by the time CNY is gone, especially after those rubbish makers aka unwanted guests dropped by your house.

Sweeping can cause you to lose your fortune? Get a good hold of yourself. In my house, we would just vacuum and sweep as we like. Does that makes a vacuum cleaner a wealth accumulator? You tell me.

And what’s with the no-breaking stuffs during CNY fable? It’s really odd if you ask me as some of the people just have clumsy limbs. I'm one of them.

Pros #7: Exotics alert
We get to see some bizarre food products showing up on the table, e.g. shark fin, sea cucumber and abalone. Not to mention some flammable ones, like firecrackers.

Do we ever realise Chinese are actually very money-minded? It seems to me every greetings from people are related to phosperity and good wealth fortune. Even the dishes in reunion dinner is related to phosperity and wealth. Look at the phrase "Gong Xi Fatt Chai" and you'll see why I made this comment.

Cons#7: Firecrackers mishap
There’s a reason why the governments impose the no-firecrackers rule. Innocent children are bound to lose an eye after playing with these dangerous goodies. Legends has it that firecrackers were used to scare the Nian Monster away in the old days. Do we look like legendary idiots? No way! We play firecrackers (smuggled firecrackers that is) for entertainment and and leisure. For the sake of seeing some rare flashing red and green light, accompanied by loud noise that threaten to bring the bomb squad to evacuate your house. For the sake of light pollution (now that's a new one). And of course we are rich Chinese people who like to waste money. We don't care if we lose a limb or our life.


My rich neighbour used to spend a good RM 1500 on firecrackers as his after-hours entertainment open house party specials. Shocking it was! With firecrackers shooting above our roof tops at the rate of RM50 every minute, you bet our house is starting the new year with a big capital BANG. Not to mention his RM1500 was gone in just under 30 minutes. It's a wonder police didn't come down and arrest the rich man. Lols!

That outta wrap up your Chinese New Year. There’s more but I still have some spring cleaning to do. I’ll leave it to next year.

So, Happy Chinese New Year everyone^^ Have a great one.